typeawordhere

Same Sex Attraction, Confidence Issues, Weight Loss and other Freaking Hard Things!

Step 2: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity

on October 18, 2016

Romans 12:2 – And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what [is] that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

Step 2 was a great time for me to reflect on my relationship with God and Jesus. The exercises and questions serve the purpose of having you ponder the past and present nature of that relationship. Using words such as CAME, BELIEVE, A POWER GREATER, COULD and RESTORE.

I spent a lot of time trying to remember when I first connected to God and felt the power of my Savior in my life. Growing up in the LDS church I was taught about who they were from infancy. I could not remember a time that I did not have an understanding that there was a Heavenly Father and my brother Jesus Christ supporting and loving me. Did I always feel it? No. But that is through my own faults and distancing myself from them. They have never left me, but at times I have abandoned them.

Under the heading “A power greater” I was asked the question:

How has your coming to believe in Jesus Christ affected your relationships in the past or present with those listed below?

  • Yourself: Understanding grace has allowed me to shake off the idea that I am not good enough. I understand more that God and Jesus love me even though I am deeply flawed and that helps me to exercise grace and love for myself more often.
  • Spouse: Seeing him as a son of God and recognizing his divinity. That helps me to understand his emotions better and to recognize that he has them even when he has a hard time expressing them.
  • Children: Helps me to be more loving and patient with them. Allows me to listen to the spirit more so I can be open to receiving inspiration in how to parent them. And it helps me to remember to pray for them as often as I can.
  • Parents: No longer being afraid of talking to them about difficult things. And recognizing them as flawed people, like myself, and therefore being able to extend more empathy and forgiveness towards them.

After thinking about those question and expanding upon those thoughts for each section it helped me to feel closer to my Savior and to God. Closely observing how their influence changes me in every aspect of my life and will help all my relationship flourish in love. This information is not necessarily new but I am able to have a better and deeper understanding of it. The Holy Ghost confirms the truth of it in powerful and meaningful ways.

In the last section of step two it asks you to define the word restore. My definition was pretty basic….to fix or repair, return to its original state. Not really that mind blowing or deep. I then looked up the official definition and found that more profound when applying it in the context of recovery and spirituality. The official definition reads:

“bring back (a previous right, practice, custom or situation); reinstate/ return (someone or something) to a former condition, place or position/ repair or renovate (a building, work of art etc.) so as to return it to its original condition/ give (something previously stolen, taken away, or lost) back to the original owner or recipient.”

The last part of the definition felt especially applicable for me. To have God and Jesus back in my life, allowing them to “restore” me, to give to and bless me with things that I had previously lost. It was a powerful teaching moment with the spirit. And as I continued with that powerful thought I was able to answer how God and Christ have been able to restore me in the following ares of my life.

  • Spiritually: Helping my heart and soul to heal from the damage that I have done to it. Feeling His love and grace in my life and lifting the burdens I unnecessarily carried alone.
  • Fun: By having lighter burdens I am able to laugh and enjoy my time with family and friends more. Also being able to find humor where I could not before.
  • Parenting: Feeling the spirit often and receiving inspiration for my children. Knowing how to talk to them better, understanding their problems and having more opportunities to connect with them.
  • Sexually: Helping me to constantly feel at peace about my sexuality. Confirming to me often that my choice to be with my husband (instead of seeking a same sex relationship) is the right path for me.
  • Friendships: Bringing people into my life who understand and are supportive of my choices. Continuing to challenge me and opening my understanding of how I can have healthy and balanced friendships with women.
  • Relationship with a yourself: Being able to recognize what and who my authentic self is and being okay with that. Understanding the truth of what makes my soul happy and how I feel connected to God and Jesus. Coming home to them.
  • Your Future: Knowing it won’t be easy, but it will get easier. And I have courage and confidence to make correct choices for my life.
  • Marriage: Becoming acutely aware of how I distance myself from my husband, and with that awareness I now have the ability to fix it. To often reflect and give thanks for the blessings I have because of my marriage an how it has made me a better person.

I think the most significant thing I was able to understand about myself through this step is, that whatever the world may think, I am in fact living my authentic life. I may be gay, but my authentic and definitive self is first and foremost, a daughter of God.

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