Same Sex Attraction, Confidence Issues, Weight Loss and other Freaking Hard Things!

Opposition in all things

First and foremost I want to thank all of you who have shared your kinds words of support and encouragement. As excited as I was to share my Voices of Hope essay I was super nervous. Thanks for loving me and making me feel safe to share my life experience with you. This experience has been a truly amazing one and has created an open dialogue with people whom I might not have connected with before. It has also offered some opportunities for reconnection and closure with others. It feels amazing. This thing called authenticity. I don’t know how to quite get used to it but I can’t believe I lived this long without feeling it.

 I also understand that some people are not quite sure about this new part of me and that’s okay. Some don’t understand why I need to speak up at all. And to this I will again say that I am not doing this on a whim. I have felt directly inspired of The Lord. And part of it is so that others can see that they aren’t alone in their experiences with same sex attraction. But honestly this is mostly for me. Going through this process has allowed me to break through the walls that I have been hiding behind all my life. I am trying to look at my reflection in the mirror and to not be ashamed of who I am. Tearing away from the secrecy of the hard things I’ve had to go through has freed me from them. And I can recognize that I am a product of all the good, the bad and the ugly that life has thrown at me. But what defines me is my heritage as daughter of God. What defines me is the fact that I am still here and not afraid to live life anymore. I own my choices. I will take credit for them all. Because they have led me here. To a place where I feel love, beauty, grace and understanding. It’s a beautiful place and the road has been paved by blood, sweat and tears from joy and from pain. I am thankful for it all. I am grateful that God sent me to a world where I can know great joy because I have known great sorrow. How awesome is it that He gave us opposition in all things so we could comprehend the good from the bad that we experience in this life! Otherwise we would be stagnant and unchanging. Knowing no joy because we knew nothing of sorrow. How unfulfilling of an existence that would be. 

So I will continue to thank God for my challenges and my successes. I might not enjoy all the experiences He chooses to bless me with but I think I understand them and there purpose. And I trust Him. I trust Him with everything. 

I want to share a song that has described how I’ve been feeling for the last several months. I listen to it all the time. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do. 

Colton Dixon- Through All of It

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